he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
