Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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