Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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