I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
