Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it's like iHOP with fire
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
