Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The air was thick with penises
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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