How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
