I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
