I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
