chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
