After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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