ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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