My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
this just has baby written all over it
Less talking, more tequila
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
