thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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