she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
