Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
