a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
