I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
