R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
