Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
