Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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