i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
