there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There was a lot of him and a little penis
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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