is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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