just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Welp...herpes.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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