Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
