You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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