mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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