My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
