K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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