allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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