I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
