It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
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