there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
