I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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