Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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