I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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