whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
