So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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