Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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