the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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