i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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