i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
