Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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