i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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