she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
