is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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