I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
