I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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