You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
