Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize