You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize