It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
