wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
