I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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