i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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