am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
