The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
