did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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