my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
