i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
And then he peed in my hair
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