I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
