Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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