We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
