I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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