You can't motorboat a personality
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
