Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
