If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
