Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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