Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
