my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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