I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
