I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
