im drinking this country out of the recession.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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