guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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