This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
