Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just threw up on my dentist
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
