Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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