It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
