my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize