tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
