So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
