the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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